Connection Lost
by Darien Chaffart | Oct 25, 2026
Sermon Notes
- To be successful in relationships, we must learn to speak the truth in love
- When we love people, we will show it by lovingly addressing problems directly
- Proverbs 27:5-6 CSB
Better an open reprimand than concealed love. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive. - Mark 10:17-20 CSB
As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked him. “No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: Do not murder; do not commit adultery; do not steal; do not bear false witness; do not defraud; honor your father and mother.” He said to him, “Teacher, I have kept all these from my youth.” - Mark 10:21-22 CSB
Looking at him, Jesus loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” But he was dismayed by this demand, and he went away grieving, because he had many possessions. - Jesus’s Approach: Speaking the Truth in Love
– Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8:11b)
“Neither do I condemn you,” said Jesus. “Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.”
– James & John asking for a title (Matthew 19:26b-27)
“On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave“
– Luke 10 (Mary & Martha)
– John 20 (Doubting Thomas) - Jesus truly loved people, and He often demonstrated His love by speaking the truth, even when it was hard.
- If we want to be successful in our relationships, we need to become more like Jesus – both in loving people, and challenging them when necessary.
- Ask yourself:
1. What quadrant do I typically default to, especially under stress?
2. Is there a situation in my life where I have not yet spoken the truth in love, but I need to? - Ask God:
How can I address that situation directly, while still showing the people involved that I love them and care about them?
Pray:
Jesus, help me to love others, just like you loved others – speaking the truth in love.
Discussion Questions
- In his message, Darien shared how his tendency to avoid difficult conversations often allowed problems to get worse. In your experience, what makes it difficult to address problems directly with the people involved, and what has been the outcome of avoiding those hard conversations?
- Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better an open reprimand than concealed love” and “The wounds of a friend are trustworthy”. What do you think these verses teach us about the relationship between love and honesty? Why can it sometimes be more loving to tell someone a difficult truth than to stay silent?
- In Mark 10:21, Jesus looked at the rich young ruler, loved him, and told him something that was difficult to hear. What stands out to you about the way Jesus approached this man? What can we learn from His example about speaking the truth in love?
- In the message, Darien outlined four ways (from Kim Scott’s book Radical Candor) that we can respond to problems: avoiding them to protect someone’s feelings (ruinous empathy), talking about them with others instead of addressing them directly (manipulative insincerity), confronting them without showing love (obnoxious aggression), and addressing problems directly from a place of love (radical candor). In your honest opinion, which of these do you tend to default to, especially when you are frustrated or stressed? What do you think makes you respond that way?
- In your experience, what makes it easier to receive difficult feedback from someone? What can we do to help others know that we’re addressing a problem because we care about them, rather than trying to criticize or control them?
- Is there a relationship in your life where you need to have a difficult conversation? What is one practical step you can take this week to address the issue honestly, while still showing the person love and respect?
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